Letters to my children: Living out loudBy Trillia Newbell | October 31st, 2011 | Category: Uncategorized | Comments Off on Letters to my children: Living out loud
by Jacob Stock
Once upon a time I heard of some fathers who thought they would write books of wisdom or “their thoughts” to their children. I thought it was a great idea, so I started to do the same. I always start well, however, I need to work to finish a good part of it. Mine is written from the perspective of memoirs to my daughters. It is like a book of “dad’s ideas” in the event that I was no longer with them. Many things have come up like education, books to read, spiritual living, modesty, and theology. One small, still developing chapter hits on the topic I want to share today, my wife.
When thinking about my wife, it is clear that our lives have changed with time and of course, children. Where was once a wife all devoted to me, has now become the full time, duty-filled, hard working, pregnant, nursing, servant of my three daughters (and little guy due soon). She truly gives herself away every day! This is the plan, this is how we saw it from the beginning, and furthermore I want more children and am all for her work in this great task. However, I am human and although I want to be selfless, I often find myself wanting to have her to myself, or to receive my old backrub in the evening. To which it sometimes shows. You know, how our children understand and often get the nonverbal message before the verbal. Actions speak louder than words, eh. Even as I must confront this truth and be always on watch of myself, it is also as great of a task to be reminded of my values and position on these things. The book of memoirs has helped me to state my position, to simply write out what I want my children to hear. Lord, help me to live it also.
If I were to encourage you, it would be to do the same in this area of your marriage. Take the time to write out and nail down your position on your husband. How great is it that our children hear (or read) us saying we are in love and we are committed to each other. It is odd that children would spend 20 years so close to two people and not hear or confirm that they are committed! And quite frankly the exercise of writing it out has helped beyond measure the level of actually living it out. I am a family man and this helps me think on and live as that man. Could it also help you to be that loving supportive wife you always want to be? Below is the excerpt from my memoirs on “Your Mother”, just in case you were curious.
Chances are that if you don’t have me you will have your mother, or at least you will have her for a time, and even if you have us both you need to know that she is to be marveled in numerous and grandiose ways. Your mother is a gift to us all, but to me even more. I hope that you never underestimate my love for her in every way. I love her as a friend, as a companion, as a partner. I love her intimately as a wife. I love the things God has made in her. Like the way she sits Indian style, or the laughter we have when we think of socially unacceptable things we could do and never would. I like the social schedule she likes, and I like the way she cares for this household in frugalness and concern. She has always been generous even while saving us great amounts of money. The bottom line is I love your mother more than any other earthly person, even you. I will be with her until the day I die. You can be assured I will not consider the craziness of parting with the marriage covenant that is so prevalent in this age, no matter what. I believe what God has joined cannot be separated on earth. Furthermore, I made a promise. A life- long promise or covenant with not only your mother, but with God himself that I would love and cherish this woman until the day I die. I hope that you can say about your dad that he was honest and loyal, even if my childhood did not reflect these attributes, it is the prayer of my heart that as a man, with God’s help, I will have left behind these titles, especially in regards to your mother. Marriage for you must also hold the same weight. I will only consent to your marriage once! Please be careful here. Of course in the event of death I could see a second marriage for you, otherwise make all due diligence in seeking a mate. I pray for this more than anything else in your life except your knowing the Lord. Look to all the good things you see in my marriage and be selective. Voddie Baucham’s book And He Shall Be is a great source of qualifications. Seek the Lord’s path for a future family.
Now, back to the subject of your mother. Because of all the things mentioned above, I fully expect that you conduct yourself with respect to your mother. Some suggestions include: Saying “yes mam”, listening to her commands and suggestions, seeking her counsel, and helping her with her work. You should know that God has commanded you to obey her. I ask that you also find it in your heart to forgive her when it is needed and that you have compassion on her when times are tough for her. She is my wife and when you love her, you love me. I have placed her in full charge of you in my absence. May mom be forever held high in our home and in our lives beyond this home.
Jacob Stock has been in Educational Ministry for 10 years. He attended Houston Baptist University majoring in Christianity and Business and then graduated with his Masters in Christian School Administration from Southwestern Seminary. He is the loved husband of Melissa and father to Ashtyn, Bella Grace, Adelyn, & Silas (Feb 12′). Although the house is stacked with females, he spends most of his time in the great outdoors and constructing. Birthed from a vision to see discipleship of Christians, Jacob resides on 40 acres in Strawberry Plains, Tennessee facilitating a retreat/study center. Castle Ministries’ desire to educate allows time in his schedule for him to serve as the administrator of the Smithwood campus and pursue homeschooling his own family at River’s Edge Christian Academy.