A testimony of a single woman’s struggle with pornography and God’s power to overcomeBy Trillia Newbell | February 29th, 2012 | Category: Uncategorized | 3 comments
The struggle with pornography is often described as a males struggle. Lust is not reserved for men and JoVonne Walker, 27, of Cincinnati, knows all too well. Single and a virgin, she was still tempted. Read her testimony and a brief interview about her struggle and God’s power to help her resist sin.
When I was younger I was introduced to some of the wrong things, such as sex scenes in movies. As early as age 9, I was also exposed to sex talks amongst other children at school, giving details of what they had heard, seen, and/or done, etc. Because of my exposure to some of the wrong things, I began to develop impure thoughts and daydreams concerning sexual activity. I knew this was not right, but I continued to talk with others about sex, and imagine what it was like. I remember even at age 11, I heard a sermon concerning the spirit of lust and the many different forms. The form of lust that stuck out the most to me was that of sexual desires. There was an altar call after the preached word where we were asked to stand if we were struggling with lust. I knew I had impure thoughts, and was yearning to see something that I had never seen before but I could not stand because I was too ashamed.
I let a few years pass by and started to realize that I could gratify my desire to see on screen what I was imaging in my head, so I would stay up late and watch premium cable channels such as HBO and Showtime because after a certain hour these stations would broadcast porn. I remember when I was about 15, I went through a deliverance from the spirit of lust. Someone prayed that lust would be removed from me. I felt much better, shared my issue with my mother, and did not have any desire to watch that stuff.
I was good for about 3 years, however, the door was opened for those thoughts to come back. You see, once I got to college, many of my friends subscribed to social networking sites and to be “cool,” I joined the sites as well. I visited site after site until I ran into it again….I ran into pornography. I was in a period of my life where I did not realize my true identity in Christ. I was raised in the church, however, I wanted to experience life on my own. So when I visited different sites, I knew it was wrong to look those things, but I did not really care that it was not pleasing to God, I just wanted to satisfy my flesh.
I became so addicted to viewing such explicit content that I would go to sexually explicit chat rooms and view webcams. There was a period even while at school where I tried to stop watching these things, but I did not apply the word of God to my deliverance, I just used my own will power.
Keep in mind, that during this whole process of being addicted to pornography, I remained a virgin, and did not perform any sexual acts with anybody. I just wanted to see what I was hearing about. The talks about sex continued even in college. More of my friends were having sex and telling me about it, and I wanted to see exactly what they were talking about without actually performing any acts. Because of these talks, I went right back into watching x rated movies online. This addiction was getting really bad. I went through periods where I felt as though I needed to view this stuff. I could not go to bed at night until I watched it, I felt as though I was stuck in this addiction.
After graduating from college, I viewed this content on and off. The talks about sex with others reduced considerably. I remember asking God to set me free from this addiction, and create in me a right and renewed spirit. He did just that! He heard my cry. I began applying the Word of God to my deliverance and ultimately saw the difference in my actions, in my conversations, etc. I went through a period of shame, I did not want anyone to know that I dealt this issue. I began to allow God to truly work on my heart, and started to realize that whom the son had set free was truly free indeed.
Follow up questions
Q: How did you come to the realization that porn grieved the Spirit and how are you doing now?
Walker: The scripture that stuck out to me the most was Psalms 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” I realized that pornography was grievous to the spirit because it caused impure thoughts to constantly run through my mind. Also, it did not help that I was listening to music and conversation that would feed into the impure thoughts. I realized when I changed my conversations and people I was around it helped to free me from impure thoughts, and temptation. I stopped watching certain shows on televisions, and listening to certain music on radio stations so that I could focus more on remaining pure and becoming more intimate with God. I am currently in a place where I am indeed in enjoying Christ by staying filled with His word so that I do not fall back. I truly realize that I am an over-comer by the blood of the Lamb
Q: How do you fight the temptation to view porn now?
Walker: I’ve been free for 4 years. It was a struggle in my first year because I had grown accustomed to watching it often, but I began to set my affections more on God by praying more and reading the Word, which helped me tremendously. I also began friendships with people who had Christ-centered lives, which resulted in totally different conversations. Honestly, I am not tempted to watch pornography now. If I am watching a movie that may have a sex scene or something of the like, I am not eager to view it, I’ll either turn the channel, or fast forward. Also, because I know that God has cleansed my heart and renewed a right spirit in me, I am determined to not go back and contaminate the work that He has done within me.