It happened….

By Trillia Newbell

shocked womanIt happened. It finally did. I knew it would someday and I’m thankful that it did now before I have begun. Before it’s really tough and one word might send me over the edge. Before I have to drag one little guy with his sweet ten toes out of bed. Before the wiggles get me to a breaking point because the wiggles won’t concentrate. It happened.  I shared that I would be homeschooling and I got “the look”. You know what look I’m talking about. The look that says, “Are you crazy?” The look that says, “Can you do this?” But for me, I not only got the look, I got words. Words that came out quickly, “Really?” She was just as puzzled as I was when I first decided that we’d go down the route. I don’t blame her but today I had to fight.

It wasn’t a fight like you think. I didn’t roll up sleeves and take off my shoes for a brawl. It was a fight to take captive my thoughts. Maybe I was an idiot for trying to homeschool. Maybe I don’t have the skills to do this. Maybe all of my assumptions were actually going to be right. What will she think of my kids? Okay- that’s it, he’s going to public school next year. Those were my thoughts and let me just say it only took one minute to go from pure excitement about our decision to dread and terror! But I’m so glad it happened now. I know now that I will be tempted to care about what others think when I share that I’m- whisper- homeschooling. That is if their response isn’t one of affirmation.

But what if her words and actions would have been different? Would I have left feeling pretty good about myself? Would I have thought that I am a pretty happening momma? Or would I have simply thought nothing at all? I don’t know. But I do know this; I want my thoughts to be: “Jesus, you love me regardless of what I do. You love me and died for me. You have brought your Spirit to help me. My confidence isn’t in my abilities or lack but in you. The One who gives and takes away. The One who gives all gifts and who sustains me.” Lord may it be so!

1 Corinthians 4:3-5: “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court.  In fact, I do not even judge myself.  For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart.  Then each one will receive his commendation from God.” (emphasis mine)

It’s such good news that the thoughts of others and even my own thoughts of myself are very small things compared to the perfect and majestic thoughts of God. What’s even more amazing is that if God is for me, who in the whole world can be against me? Why is this important? Because God is perfect, Holy and righteous. He is worthy of my praise and adoration. He is worthy of my highest regard and thoughts. Yet I often fail and give them away to meaningless things. I worried today about what a mere mortal, just like me, thinks about my schooling choices when I have a Holy God who looks upon me as perfectly righteous because I’m covered in the blood of the Lamb who was slain! Here’s more good news, I’m forgiven! I’m forgiven because He was forsaken; I’m accepted He was condemned!

I’m so glad this happened now before it really gets tough. I will know how to fight. I know now how I might be tempted. I will know how to extend grace to the person who might be confused by my schooling choice and how to guard my heart when I receive praise. Thank you God for that it happened…

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