Dear Pastor: From a black female congregant
By Trillia Newbell | March 30th, 2012 | Category: Perspective | 49 commentsBy Trillia Newbell
The topic of race and church life has been billowing about in the blogosphere. Maybe there is a renewed interest because of the release of John Piper’s book Bloodlines and the subsequent features on Desiring God. Whatever it is, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that there seems to be an open dialogue about race particularly as it relates to black and whites worshiping together. With that said, I do believe after reading books, articles, and blog posts I find one element of the black experience missing-that is the black female experience.
My pastor kindly asked me to read and review Bloodlines for him. His interest wasn’t merely in the book, rather he wanted to know how he could serve his congregants better, which I applaud and am most grateful for. Ever since reading Piper’s book I have been thinking about my experience at my local church and in my Christian walk. I have always been one of the few black females in my church, though I will say there are a growing number of young college females. The purpose of this article is to outline some of the thoughts I have had that I haven’t seen considered. I don’t presume to speak for all reformed black females but I do think these issues need to be addressed or at the least looked at by white pastors. I am black, female and reformed which makes me a bit of a “rare breed”.
To make it easier I’m simply going to lay out my thoughts in categories. I want to make sure that you understand I am speaking from a black, female, reformed position to white, male, pastors with predominately white churches. Might I also add that I live in the South? As a southerner in a predominately white city I am confined to go to a predominately white church if I am also most interested in a church that teaches/follows reformed theology. I will also add that it seems the majority of churches that are available to blacks that are reformed are also predominately white.
Finally, I want to say that I am happily married for nearly 9 years now to a white male who is my best friend and sweet servant leader. We have two children. I think that’s important to note.
Culture:
John Piper wrote how Bethlehem Baptist Church has tried to be more inclusive. He wrote, “Being more indigenous to the diversity of our metropolitan cultural setting, both urban and suburban,” speaking on music and he continues, “With significant influence from Harold Best’s Music Through the Eyes of Faith, we continually attempt to define our musical center in corporate worship in such a way that it includes a range of ethnic expressions…” (Bloodlines, Appendix 3, location 3999 Kindle Edition).
Anthony Carter author of On Being Black and Reformed takes it further to say, “A theological perspective that fails to speak contextually to African-American life, whether orthodox or liberal, will not gain a hearing among people who have become skeptical of the establishment.” (location 72 Kindle Edition).
Overall the music, activities and general environment should consider the entire congregation. Did you catch that? I’m not just saying music, but really the activities as well. My church has had wonderful events, but they are often geared towards one audience. Some examples: cowboy olympics, pig roasts, horseback riding, bowling, etc. If your church is truly seeking diversity (in any way) your activities must be diverse as well. This also includes the activities for women. If you are prone to doing brunches only at a Country Club, that may not be extremely inviting for your black sister. Some ideas might be a fish fry, card party, and yes a brunch- just not only brunches.
Boys:
I remember when we’d talk about “courtship” or dating in my church prior to marriage, I’d have a lot of questions. I’d think like most girls do: “Who might ask me?” “Is there anyone I could be interested in?” etc. But as a black female in a predominately white church I’d also think, “CAN anyone like me?” “WILL they pursue me even if they did?” “IF they did what would their peers or family think?” It adds another element to the prayers of a single black female. My prayers weren’t merely, “God please help me guard my heart;” they were “God help me to not be fearful, to guard my heart and to guard my soul.”
Interactions:
People are always asking me about my hair. It’s pretty much a constant conversation for the black female. I’m confident that my friends were not in any way trying to make me feel out of place or awkward. They just found it fascinating. I’ve been asked several times within the church if I would “burn” if I were out in the sun for long. It’s so funny to me. I answer “Yes, black people can burn but we do have a little bit more protection because of pigment but then again we also attract more sun which is why I have to layer on the sunscreen.” All this to say, young people especially, have a lot of questions and some have never interacted with another black person before. I met someone who had never spoken with a black person before meeting me at church. They were pleasantly surprised.
Femininity:
I grew up being told that I have to work triple as hard because I am black and then triple that because I am female. So, that’s what I did. I grew wanting to be Oprah but “better”. Because of the socio-economic position of many blacks this need to be driven is ingrained in us. And if we have opportunities like I did, we best take advantage of them. Many of the black females I ran with in college went on to be doctors, lawyers, etc. I was looked down upon by a research professor when I expressed my desire to stop grad school and do the internship with my church college ministry Volunteers For Christ. See, I was forfeiting all that the civil rights leaders had worked so hard for me to be able to do- I had gotten into law school and wasn’t going to go.
Be patient with young black females as God moves in their hearts to teach them about biblical femininity. I didn’t jump on the idea of submitting to a man. Why in the world would I? I definitely didn’t jump at the idea of biblical femininity and being “busy at home”. Though I realize “being busy at home” looks different in every home, before I understood this it looked like: wife, mom, and house-cleaner. It wasn’t all that appealing until I got to know people and saw their home and the beauty in it. But, it took time for God to reveal His Word and His heart to me. And now in marriage, because God has been so very gracious to me, I can/do submit, and even to a white man. I also love to be home with my children. This is a miracle that only God could do in my heart. I had to (and continue to) fight not only the world, not only feminist thoughts, but a culture that would say I sold out.
For some of you, these thoughts may have never crossed your mind. That’s okay! God is building His church and allowing for honest and open conversations so we can all know how to love and serve each other more effectively to His glory and praise. If you are reading this and considering it in any way, thank you. Let’s take the conversation further than merely black and white theology as we contribute to the needs of the all the saints.
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” (Romans 12:9-13 ESV)
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Thank you for this. I’d have gladly read more.
That is so kind Dan!! I wanted to write more. Thank you for reading. -Trillia Newbell
i really enjoyed reading this. thank you for your oppenness and the insight it gives. i wish you’d written even more!
Thank you, Demi! I’m praying God would use it for His glory and that it would be helpful! -Trillia
Let me be the third to say I would have gladly read more. Maybe there is a longer article or book here?
Thank you for this!
Thank you so much! I’m thankful you’d read it and desire to know more. I will definitely be writing an essay that will expound on what I’ve already written. I think that may be useful from the private and public posts I’ve seen. I’m glad people are excited about engaging on this topic! Praise God!
Thank you for your wonderful article and sweet insight! You know — the funny thing is that many of us have had a hard time finding a Reformed Church once we leave the Arminian world for Reformed Theology – regardless of race. I am a white woman but my journey into a Reformed church was very much like yours. Solidly Reformed churches are hard to find – they are usually very small (which I am grateful for) and they don’t advertise, etc.
I have a feeling that the culture of the church is driven more by location more than by race these days (at least in the Reformed community). I say this because I know in our federation of churches (URCNA) — we long to blend races into one worship service because we understand that there is only one body of Christ. Yet, since this is a Dutch Reformed tradition, those who have grown up in the tradition are used to their communities being mainly Dutch. Now that the rest of us have invaded their world
— they are able to see that the world is a bigger place! Thankfully, they have welcomed us with open arms even though it is strange and uncomfortable to them sometimes when we bring our old Arminian ideas into their world.
I grew up in the South. My mother was a poor white, migrant worker. That in itself has it’s own sub-culture. The Reformed churches in her area tend to be liberal like the PC-USA. I’ve lived in Texas — cowboys rule – and I found that “church” is a socially acceptable place to be. I honestly found it very hard to fit in with some women in TX because they cared more about their looks/clothes than their theology.
The size and number of our churches really is a factor. I don’t even think our small federation of churches (URCNA) has a church in the entire state of TX. We have a Hispanic church plant in LA that works with an existing church – trying to spread the Reformed message among a people group that hasn’t been exposed to Reformed theology. And that’s part of it, too — many evangelicals don’t even know what Reformed means. Our church has been influenced by the culture from Escondido (theologians like Dr. Robert Godfrey and Dr. Michael Horton) and it has shaped our congregation (and in a good way, I might add.) It is hard to wade through the evangelical culture to find Reformed theology, but I’ll tell you, I would never go back.
Sadly, it is the culture which has driven what a worship service should look like in a particular geographical location. In the URCNA we maintain a certain structure to the service that does not allow for cultural preferences to compromise the conscience of another believer. That means when you go to a service in CA, it would look the same way in TX or MN or NY. While this took a little time to get used to, I have come to love this about our worship service because as a musician, I was so weary of fighting music wars! You can never please anyone’s personal preferences. To limit this in worship has proven valuable to me.
You mentioned you lived in the south. I think slowly, things are trying to change. For instance, I have a good reformed theologian friend living near Atlanta (he is white) and he attends a small black Reformed congregation there. I am sure it is much harder to find a black Reformed church…but in general, all of our churches (at least URCNA) are small. And truly, I would love to have races blend for worship instead of segregating into separate congregations. But it’s hard to do that when we want our cultural preferences to design the worship service.
I think all of us enjoy it better when color is blind. I think we benefit when we think this way. If we let theology design the church instead of culture, we all win. I’ve seen the confusion that results when culture is allowed to reign. For instance: I am white but my son-in-law is African-American. He is such an amazing young man and I have watched how his theology was shaped by his culture. There has been much confusion in his life because culture drove his parent’s theology. Thankfully, he is so open to discuss these things.
I guess we must accept that this is a fallen world. We live in this present evil age and long for the future Kingdom. There — it will all be made right.
And we shall see Him as He is! Hallelujah!
I agree that I’d like to read more. I am originally from a very rural area in Pennsylvania with very little racial diversity, so it’s nice to hear your point of view. I now live in a more racially diverse area, but it seems like I’m still more likely to meet or work with someone from the other side of the world than someone from the other side of town, so I am not likely to hear this perspective in my daily life. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for this! As a black, reformed, female- I have struggled much to fit in at the church where the Lord has me planted. The Word is good. And though the congregation is diverse, I feel at times that the culture is monolithic. And I feel that the experiences I bring to the table are kinda difficult, in some ways, to blend with the “establishment.” I’m from the South, was raised by a single parent, and married at the age of 32. I feel like I look different and stand out against my counterparts because what drove me certainly stemmed from not being a believer and being in a secular society. But I wasn’t taught to grow up, get married to my prince charming, have babies, take care of my home, & a host of other Biblical principles the Lord has commanded for his people. Though this is a broad generalization, I do feel like the culture of many of my peers ascribe to this notion and so I have had to unlearn much- and I’m not sure the majority in my church culture “get” that. I could go on and on but many thanks for your perspective and for shedding light on what I’ve seen many of us struggle with.
That was my point on biblical femininity. I think there’s a lot of unlearning and relearning as we grow as Christians regardless of color but I do think we have a particular battle in this. Thanks so much for commenting. I am sure your friends would love to hear your perspective. Many blessings, Trillia
Thank you for this. I have a much better understanding now of what your struggles might look like. It was nice to see your perspective, and my heart was knit together with yours as my sister. Your article made me think…and it also made me smile because you seem to have a great and beautiful attitude.
Thank you Marie! Very kind of you. I most appreciate your encouragement regarding my attitude. I hoped that the article would be a conversation and that people would also be able to see just how much I love my church, THE CHURCH and so I am thankful!
Thank you for this article! I am a black female in a reformed church. I relate to everything you mentioned…everything. I am finishing graduate school, so I know what you are talking about when you discuss the pressure to work harder because of the opportunity you were given. Currently I am struggling with the boy topic, because it can be disheartening to feel like you are not desired at all. Thank you for sharing how you have shaped your prayers in this area, it was really helpful. God Bless!
Thanks for writing this article!! I am also a black female married to a white man and we are members of a reformed church in the south. Our church is a smaller church and it is hard to make friendships there because I believe of the cultural differences. We love the teaching, it is sound doctorine but sometimes I don’t have a good connection with a lot of the ladies, besides our Lord, which of course is the most important. Our family moved to the south from California (my husband originally from the south) and we found the church through online resources, we have been apart of the congregation for about 5 years now. We have a couple of older daughters who attend with us and it also difficult for them to be comfortable with their differences, They also struggle to learn and live out bibical femininty and to reach out to other ladies for mentoring. It has been a struggle for growing family. But I am thankful for our church and the love for the Word of God! Thank you for your openess and transparency! I could have read more of this article also!
You spoke what my heart has not been able to communicate! I am also a reformed black female married to a white male with 2 children. We also attend a congregation that is predominately white. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It helps me to see I am not alone. I have had this stirring in my should for a while. I read Bloodlines and thought it was a huge step to atleast acknowledging race in the church. You opened another realm that is so important. I wish I had more black sisters in my life to talk to about this as well. Thank you for being faithful to what God has called you too. Keep writing! It’s powerful!
Thank you so much for this article. I am a 49 year old white woman, married 30+ years to my white husband:). We have 9 children, ranging in age from 12-28. My 1s three children were girls; the two oldest are married, and each has 2 daughters. My 3rd daughter got engaged just last night. I’m telling you this bc my 2nd daughter and my daughter about to be married are married/engaged to black men. We are grateful for these men; we are grateful for our grandchildren. Oh, did I mention that I live in Birmingham, AL? When my second daughter was in the 2nd grade, she came home from school and asked me if it was ok for a white person to marry a black person. I gave her the only response that I knew to give. I told her that as long as a man loved Jesus with all his heart and adored her, she could marry anyone, it didn’t matter what color he was. That has freed me up from SO much when she fell in love with her husband. I had no regrets from how we had raised her. I was very glad that we had raised our children that all people are the same, even though they come from different backgrounds and cultures. My oldest daughter is married to a white man, who is a great man. When I used to think about what my grandchildren would look like, of course, I naturally thought that they would look like their 2 daughters. How grateful I am that God, in His infinite wisdom, love, and grace, has given us a small glimpse into what Heaven will be like. I’m just so grateful that I get to be their grandmother. For my daughter married to a black man, her biggest thing to deal with in the black community has been how ‘religious’ she feels they are, yet scripture and Jesus seem to have no work-it-out-in-their-lives-reality….things like sexual purity. She said that people always assumed that she and Marx were sleeping together because he was a black man. She found this really offensive, and felt like she had to practically argue with some people who thought she was lying! Funny, but not really. Anyway, thank you for your article; I am very reformed as well. I appreciated your comment, too, about sunscreen. One of my grandbabies got a little too much the other day. Also, the biggest question my daughter wonders about is what to do about their hair. So far, their hair seems to be like ours, just really, realy curly. Anyway, thanks again
Bless you, Sister!! I say the same thing.
Wonderful post! Like others, I would like to have read more. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.
Thanks so much for this very helpful article. I appreciate your perspective and humility. I agree that at times the lack of open and honest communication is the deepest struggle in these areas. Your insights and helpful analysis were excellent. Please continue to share your heart in this way, as it helps those of us who lack insight, and yet desire to genuinely love our brothers and sister in Christ. As you say, God is building His church! Much love in Christ.
Hi All,
I totally relate to my sister here. My name is Calvin, im 32 born in South London to West Indian parents and im now living in Houston, Texas. I was brought up in a predominately white Evangelical church until the age of 15-16 when I rebelled and hoped I never to return again, In those days I genuinely felt that the black Caribbean charismatic churches preached a motivational Gospel that black people could only relate too and that the white evangelical churches made me feel lonely, insecure and isolated…so in general before I was a Christian the segregated churches simply disenfranchised me! I felt, if someone could show me their redeemed life i would be more inclined to believe in your redeemer! All in all, i couldnt see the difference between the disconnected world and these particular churches.
HOWEVER, the Lord revealed himself to me and I was born again age 29 and I ran to a Reformed Baptist church called Metropolitan Tabernacle (nicknamed “Spurgeon’s Church”). What made me run here??? The Gospel…pure and simple…I was so hungry and I wanted to find the best, no compromise…I wanted to feel convicted everytime I was there and I wanted it delivered with no theatrics! Here I was exposed to church history and reformed theology for the first time and the Gospel straight out of the bible in a clear faithful fashion…here I learnt the valuable lessons that I hope I will never forget. In this particular Reformed Baptist church which is steeped in hundreds of years of church history with a famous pastor and theologian you really do not need to change the furniture, update the music, target market and form “outreaches” to evangelize…At Met Tab (as we called it) you only need to centre EVERYTHING around the Gospel…thats it! You will only experience harmony where the Gospel is fully exposed!!! Only the Gospel of truth and life can truly liberate us!!! The “taste of multicultural heaven” can only be experienced with the Gospel of Christ nothing else will do…and we can only achieve a glimpse here in our mortal flesh…everything required for the flock will follow by His grace. I used to walk 3 hours there and back went to the morning service, lunch, reformed theology classes afternoon tea and then the even Gospel service and then walked 3 hours back. I only wish I had pictures of the Met Tab congregation to show you my brothers from every continent. Honestly speaking, im amazed by the grace of God each and every time I was there. You really witness God moving in you city and surrounding areas. Note. This has nothing to do with denomination.
Ive only been in Houston nearly 6 months and I struggled to find a church home because of the segregated church. Think about it a moment…”The segregated church”…its not the church of Christ if its segregated is it…we all got to be thinking about this subject…Its extremely upsetting. Ive only found one Gospel focused baptist church in Houston which literally represents 44 nations from the surrounding areas called Wilcrest Baptist Church. ONE!!! Thats my home….Where-ever the Gospel is faithfully preached, where it is central, where its not compromised…THATS my home….thats your home.
Race only comes to play when you looking for something other than the Gospel. We must pray for the liberation of the Gospel IN the churches around the world. It is difficult to avoid the minefield of race and prejudices, but we can no longer make excuses for it. Growing up in an all white school myself i often felt that I was an unelected ambassador of my race which i was a responsibility I hated with a passion…I feel disgusted to admit that I spent to much of my life demonstrating that not all black guys are the same without changing too much of my appearance and character. Trillia Newbell maybe a rare breed in her congregation…but certainly not the church.
Sorry for rambling on a bit lol
God Bless you all.
Try Grace Family Baptist Church just north of Houston in Spring. Very diverse, very reformed. You’ll get some solid preaching and teaching from the elders of that church.
I love what you said about the gospel being central and the real unifying force. And still, I agree with Trillia that the church can grow to be less homogenous and make us all feel like we have come “home”.
Thank you Trillia for this insightful article. As a white pastor, pastoring a mostly white church in southern California, but having adopted three African American children, two of them girls, I am constantly in need of material helping me to see the world from their perspective. It has begun to open my eyes to some of the real challenges they face in growing up even in a very diverse area of the country. May God bless you as you continue to shed light on this important subject.
You are a beautiful person. Can I be like you when I grow up? (I’m 32)
What I’ve always wanted to say, but never said (in public). I wrote a graduate paper about this very issue (black women in the reformed church context). As a black woman myself I also find that the black female perspective is lacking in the dialogue. I appreciate people like Anthony Bradley and John Piper for keeping the race dialogue alive in the church, but I find that the void of dealing with black women’s issues ESPECIALLY as it relates to biblical femininity and the role of women in church life, should and needs to be addressed. I wish I could talk with more black women and hear their perspectives!
Trillia -
Always thankful for your desire to encourage conversation in such a humble and honest way! Keep it coming!
Anne
Thank you, Trillia! I chuckled in hearty agreement through your article (I’m also a black female, married to a white man, 3 children). You cataloged the “journey” very well. I think your article is offering some much needed insight to those who otherwise would not get it.
And LOL! (re: the “hair topic”)
[...] read an article titled Dear Pastor: From a black female congregant . I applaud her for saying what I”m sure many black women have said probably only in their [...]
I love this because this is exactly how I feel. There is the pressure of so called staying black and true to your roots and not turning all the way white. But I love white, black, green, blue, purple, and all the other beautiful colors that God has ceated in all races. I believe God has no color and he wants us to think that way as well. I love being who I am. I use to have a tendency to change if I was with my white or black friends at times but I grew tired of that. I just want to be me, the person God created me to be and not change and act so called black or so called white. I believe he made me black and beautiful for a reason and my best friend white and beautiful for a reason. As a Christian family we all need each other no matter what race we are but being a black young woman you are taught to work three times harder because you are a black female. O and the hair and the skin topic you are right on point. I also think it is awesome you married a white man, thats the man God choose for you and your soul mate. My husband is black but if he was white I would have still married him because he is my soul mate. Thank You and write more.
Trillia, nice job on this posting! As an American-born daughter of Chinese immigrants, I related to your posting in various ways, especially the part on dating. In my experience, issues of race tend to surface most obviously when interracial adoption, dating, and marriage happen–in other words, when mixing of bloodlines occurs. A few examples I’ve personally experienced: One of my sisters had a white boyfriend who broke up with her, due to racial objections from his family; I once had a white boyfriend whose sister told him, “We don’t want any slant-eyed gooks in this family”; and after I got married to my white husband, one of his relatives said the following to me, with a huge smile on her face: “Even though you’re Chinese, I love you anyway. It’s okay that you’re part of this family.” It was intended as a compliment, but it betrayed the true heart attitude lurking beneath the surface. Bottom line: we can legislate racism and throw around the words “color blind” all we want, but nothing will truly change until we examine the ugly pride in our hearts and think hard about the way we truly perceive those of other races. This is something I’ve actually had to do myself, and it isn’t easy! But it is worth doing.
[...] Dear Pastor: From a Black Female Congregant [...]
Very insightful, I can so relate as I too am a black female living in the south and goes to a predominantly white church.
Thanks for a wonderul and honest post! We need you!! Hope you keep writing more!
Just wanted to let you all know about an article I had the honor to write for Desiring God. Celebrating Diversity in Our Homes: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/celebrating-diversity-in-our-homes.
Hope it is helpful!
Blessings,
Trillia
Hello Trilla,
WOW! As an African American woman, my perspective may not positive or congratulatory but rather, an expression of sickening disgust.
You are an excellent writer with a matter of fact style that”s greatly appreciated.
The take away I hear is
Like me, Accept me, Respect me.
Your post above details beautifully, your patience in preparing for this community to accept an American woman, in an American, at an American church.
Madame, this wait has been so far, 600 years in the making.
Best of luck to you.
Sharing……I know a lot of women (black women) who’ll be blessed by this article. Great job.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this. You have put into words what has been on my heart for the longest time. I just didn’t know how to express it. And if I could express it! Thank you!
Thank You!
I read the Radical Femininity blog by Carolyn McCulley and when I saw the title of her last post “From a Black Female Congregant” my eyes lit up! As a black female in a predominately white (reformist) church, and college aged, I always find myself wanting to hear from older black women on these very same topics. Thank you so much for being that voice! It definitely encourages me to continue to trust God.
Girl!! If I could get a dollar for every HAIR QUESTION I get asked from my white sisters and brothers, I would be PAID!! LOL But seriously. I’m so thankful for you writing this post. It’s so encouraging to know that I’m not the only sister that struggles with thoughts like these. May our white brothers and sisters really hear our hearts and seek the Father. May we continue to guard our hearts against bitterness or any other things that wouldn’t glorify our Father.
Thanks so much for your honesty in this! I am a white female married to a while male. We do not have any black people in our church, so this really helped me to understand. I hope that this new understanding will help me in my ministry to women. Thank you!!!!!
Thank you from Canada. It has always grieved me that race in any society, is an issue. How thankful I am that our Saviour gave us a pattern when He deliberately & purposefully spent time with the woman at the well. Even His disciples were shocked, may we, God’s people learn a lesson from our Lord.
How helpful! Thank you for the “conversation!” My (associate-pastor) husband and I are pursuing adopting a black sibling group and these thoughts are helpful to know on their (and the few african-american congregants we have) behalf.
[...] for the world to see, and a fear of God as I pray through what I write. Overall, I thank God that one post has been received so [...]
This was really an interesting read. Thank you so much for writing this! I hope more pastors read it. It’s a great perspective.
Hi Trillia,
Thanks so much for posting this. As a single black female, your section on boys really resonated with me. You’re absolutely right about the added layer to our prayers. I attended a reformed church in college and still visit one every so often. The cultural difference is tangible, and I wouldn’t even consider myself strongly “cultural”. I think I’m pretty “generic” lol. I’m glad that you’re married to what sounds like a great man, because it gives me hope that one day I won’t have to ask those questions anymore.
Many Blessings
Hi Trilla,
Thank you for your perspective on being a black woman in “suburbia”. I can really relate to your article on Her.Meneutics. (That’s what brought me here.) As a black woman and a former military brat, I can identify with the idea of being caught between two cultures and wondering how this dissonance impacts my dating life and how it impacts the way others view me.
Thank you for your articles and insights. They are encouraging. I think it’s great that various mediums are starting to talk about a race in a manner that can create opportunities for dialogue and healing.
I really appreciate this blog post. I’m an Indian girl in a reformed church setting. I’m a few months away from thirty and have never even been asked out by a Christian man in the churches I’ve been a part of. It’s a struggle to believe that marriage can happen for me, that they even notice me as a viable option, or that leaders would suggest me as a girl that a good guy should think about getting to know. Certainly spurs on a lot of prayer!
[...] 3. Dear Pastor: From a black female congregant [WOG Magazine] [...]